Every type of relationship requires work to maintain. Sometimes it is in the form of adjusting some of our toxic habits to become better friends or partners. One of these toxic habits is constantly complaining, which can wear down your partner and ruin any relationship you get into. Don’t get me wrong, life is challenging, and some issues need addressing but being a complainer makes it worse.
We have all encountered a complainer at some point in our lives, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a colleague. They are not people you want to be around for extended periods because they tend to complain about everything and blame all their problems on the world. Unfortunately, many chronic complainers ruin good relationships without knowing, and we’re here to help fix that. This text aims to show you the dangers of being a “nag” and how you can work through it and become a better partner.
Why Do People Complain?
As human beings, it’s normal to complain when there is a gap between expectations and reality. For example, if you order an item online that doesn’t resemble what is in their picture, it’s healthy to feel betrayed and complain. Complaining is normal; it only becomes problematic when you do it excessively and negatively. Here are some factors that affect how much you complain:
- Emotional regulation – some people complain about managing their emotions
- Mood – individuals complain more when they’re in a bad mood
- Personality – less agreeable people are more likely to complain
- Social factors – being around people who complain can influence their behaviour
Complaining is often confused with venting. The former aims to address an injustice, while venting is just letting out the frustration through words.
How Complaining Ruins Relationships
Chronic complainers wonder why most of their relationships don’t work out and why people avoid them. Here are some reasons.
No One Likes Constant Negativity around Them
Complaining pushes people away. It’s because people realize that spending time with a person who constantly complains ruins their mood after a while. Evolution granted us “negativity bias” to help our ancestors stay safe from threats but in our current age, relying on this mechanism becomes a liability. People who complain a lot are generally negative because they see the flaws in almost everything. The problem is relationships are not built to handle too much negativity. You can have some bad days, but when they’re all bad, maybe it is something to do with your attitude.
It Encourages Animosity Between Partners
When a person makes a habit of complaining, their negativity tends to infiltrate their relationship. For example, let’s assume your partner has had a productive day and is happy to come home and spend time with you. If the first words you meet them with are negative or criticism, you’ll have ruined the night’s trajectory. If the habit continues, your partner becomes distant, and after some time, most of the affection gets replaced with negativity.
It Shows a Lack of Gratitude
Good parents raise their kids to understand that the universe won’t give them everything they want and that they should always be thankful. Someone who lacks gratitude tends to focus on what they lack and forget to be grateful for their blessings.
It Keeps You in the Past
If you realize that most of your thoughts and conversations are related to the past, you might want to start working on that. Complainers often dwell in the past, often channelling their trauma and negativity into their current lives. It gets to a point where they are unable to appreciate their current blessings.
We understand that the past tends to hold some difficult memories for most individuals, but you should address these issues with a mental health professional. Just query psychology near me to find someone to help you start healing.
In a relationship, negativity can spread from one person to another. It is why people are encouraged to stay away from those who are always negative. Their words and thoughts can start manifesting in you, and soon, you both become negative people. If you realize you are often negative, consider the law of attraction, which discusses how you attract what you put out there. If you have a positive attitude, you will attract positivity. Negativity attracts more negative things.
The Failure to Take Responsibility Becomes an Issue
Complainers rarely accept responsibility for their mistakes. They always find something or someone to blame for their shortcomings but see themselves as faultless. They even blame the past when they can get out of owning up. This behaviour becomes unbearable for their partners, who either leave or adopt the blame game, leading to a bitter relationship.
Partners Feel Unappreciated
Everyone needs a person to love and appreciate them. However, some people throw that out and constantly criticize their partners. It gets to a point where the partners feel unworthy and lose confidence in themselves which dooms the relationship.
How to Stop Complaining
We don’t recommend anyone stop complaining entirely but instead reduce it. There are numerous benefits to complaining less in relationships and life in general, such as:
- You’ll be angry less often
- You’ll have more positive energy to get things done
- You’ll get out of the victim mentality and take responsibility
- You’ll positively impact your family because children mirror their parents
- You’ll feel more grateful
- It improves relationships with family, spouses, and friends
So, how do you become a person who complains less? Here are some tips that should help with that.
Instead of complaining about minor problems, start finding solutions. Before complaining, ask yourself, “What can I do to fix this?” Soon enough, you’ll realize that some of these problems are not worth your frustration or anger.
Learn to Listen
Communication is a two-way street; if you’re always complaining, I doubt you have enough time to listen to what others say. But on the other hand, listening can help you get a better perspective on an issue.
Set aside some time for yourself and meditate. Meditation offers you a chance to calm down and gather your thoughts. You’ll also get the chance to reflect on the potential ramifications of anger.
Learn to Forgive and Ask for Forgiveness
Sometimes when you are both in the wrong, it falls to you to be the bigger person and ask for forgiveness so that no one goes to bed angry. Asking for forgiveness doesn’t always mean you’re the guilty party, just that the relationship is bigger than winning an argument.
Instead of complaining, sit down with your partner and air out your differences calmly and composedly. Listen to each other and let each other know how you feel. Communication allows you to explain to your partner what is truly bothering you so you can work through it.
Let People Know What You Want
No one can read your mind. You might think you should always be on the same page with your partner, but it doesn’t work like that. Instead of complaining, talk to them about what you want and how you feel. They will appreciate it instead of having to guess what you’re thinking.
Complaining is human nature, but it becomes unhealthy when you do it all the time. Life becomes dull, and you find it difficult to see the positives in your life. It is okay to express frustrations, but there are healthier ways to do it. You can also seek out professionals to help you deal with any underlying issues that encourage the behaviour.